I Am a Hypocrite.

These thoughts I write are meant to be expressed not because I would like to set them down, never to pick them up again, but because they should have already been set down for some time, now. And though these thoughts may not strike you as shockingly revelatory or coherently explanatory, they nevertheless consist of the more intimate venues that ultimately construct my life. Due to recent events that occured and reunions that have taken place with both family and friends, the thought of moving on in life has not only begun to nudge, but seemingly shove me onto San Bernardino. No matter the negative connotation that may come along, my decision to serve a mission for the LDS church is not to be looked upon as something that has forced me to change, but rather as a time in life that has unexpectedly arrived (which does not make sense, for I have known for years now that this bittersweet good-bye would come); I have every reason to look forward to these next two years. Let's get to the title now, huh?

Hypocrisy is tough; realizing you may be a hyprocrite yourself is tougher; coming to accept that you are hypocrite, however, can be as relieving as it is common. Take what you want from it. I not only see this as an honest mistake, but by realizing that this timid hypocrisy is in fact a flaw, I recognize that I am human/imperfect. It has never been a goal of mine to work at life in such a manner that I keep a checklist of things I need to work on and, therefore, seek to make myself that much more perfect. I am not so detailed as to better myself in every aspect because I need to. No, I do not think that is how life should be lived. On the contrary, my days consist of doing things that are productive, knowing that such things are done because they can be done and I want them to be done; I can be better, I want to be better. To be living actively does not mean looking for ways to make the most of your current situation by putting yourself out there and constantly look for something to do for the betterment of whatever, although this definition could very well be someone else's sole philosophy. In fact, I find this to be true in many instances, it is an honorable way to live. No, I consider being actively engaged in life to mean something (NOT entirely) else.

Your life, your character, who you are and what you live for can be actively conveyed by the decisions you make when faced with opposing ideals and alternatives. That, in my opinion, is one of the greatest ways in which we can live. It is far better for one to explore this world of imagination and creation with a foundation of knowing who you are and what you want to become than to indifferently stroll alongside any and every experience this probationary state has to offer. Of course, you may not know who you are and what you want to be become from the start, but once the idea and plan of how you can get there is revealed, it should not only be applied but accepted as well. In short, we have purposes to fulfill in this life. Once that step to self actualization is known, I think it's safe to say that it is important for you to seize the potential it holds by having the desire to want to get there. If there is any way to prevent hypocrisy, it is by doing what you know to be right and not dwell on those things which are learned and felt to be wrong. This is not what I intended to write about, initially. In fact, I planned to write with the intentions of proving that I am a hyprocrite (as the title so briefly states) and not argue against being such a human! So I suppose that topic will take place in my next online therapeutic session, for that is why I wish to express these thoughts; in these times of change, I look for any way to comfort and calm my anxious mind.

Tangents: can't live with them, can't live without them.