What do you mean what do I mean?

Today, I caught myself smiling at music. My world of memory, my healing balm, my reconciled flow that carries and, sometimes blatantly, brings reality. There never was a single nocturne or exitlude afraid of being the one to tell me like it truly was, like it truly is. And, you know, this isn't to say I never had an idea of what I felt; but because more than enough humans have already experienced youth, and fortunately we have those who can retell such nostalgia in the form of music, it seems as though I don't need myself to express mysely, necessarily. Surely you have felt that feeling; the feeling where what you have just finished hearing on the radio or illegaly downloaded off the internet almost perfectly describes how you feel in that given moment. And so it is with me. Who wouldn't want to listen to something they can relate to? The lyrics may not even have to make sense; the artist(s) may be accepted as "cool" or "respectable" within the community; they may not even have to be musicians who have earned their way onto your mix CD or iPod playlist, necessarily (hello modern music commercialism); whatever connection you feel with the song, you take it in as your own. And sometimes you can't believe you just finished humming that one song you thought you would never like or accept for what it stands for, or what it reveals about you. Oh yes, music can very much serve as the harsh truth we never like to hear initially. Yet, in the very same instance, I feel a strange, but assuring peace when such truth is revealed. Don't you?

Sometimes I daydream about leaving (mostly) everything behind in order to pursue whatever musical passion burns within. I wonder what things would be like if I decided to risk it all on simply going for it, I do. Haven't really told you this before, but this is a dream I have had for quite some time. Now, holding a profession in music may happen in the future, it may not. In any case, it never has been sin to wonder what could be. This may sound like regret, but it isn't. In fact, this possibility will only increase as time goes by. I am not worried if I ever "get there". I am more worried about losing what it takes to get there, and so I will make sure I never do.

You have to wonder just how much time goes into making a song. It not only takes guts to start a simple melody; it takes much more will to finish that melody,however, creating a story out of it. It's hard to not get distracted or discouraged. Sometimes you never do end up finding what you're looking for. But when you dig deep enough, you are bound to find something. Perhaps something you were not intending to look for, in the first place. I am constantly trying to expand my musical palate by looking up artists that have caught my attention, in a good way of course, in the least bit. A lot of the time, I end up liking what I find..but I have also learned that you cannot force yourself to like a band's style. As much as you enjoy one or two of their conversations, their overall language may just not understood or attractive. And that's okay. I don't think there's bad music, necessarily. There is, however, opinion (and I'll leave it at that). What frustrates me is the apparent lack of heart in today's music for the masses. Of course, there are many artists that can change live within a matter of tasteful chords; nevertheless there seems to be an extreme exploitation of catchy melody and sensual tempation. It's unfortunate, yes. But I suppose it's necessary also, if it is what makes me appreciate the substantial making of music even more.

It should probably be known by now that all of the music I listen to is synonymous with you and many others. I get thinking to just how oblivious you may be to this simple but very significant fact, and this thought then makes me wonder just how clueless I may be as well. The thought of getting to know how much, or how little, you are thought of in one song or an entire album is exciting. At the same time, however, I don't really want to know how little I am thought of, at all. But tell me anyway because I lie, I would like to know. And I'm sure you would like to know, too.